I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
