I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
