Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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