remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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