i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
