If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
