Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize