i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
