I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
