im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
