woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
