Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
