I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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