bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
