but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
