Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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