My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize