I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize