why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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