I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
