He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
