Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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