your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
