Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
