he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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