I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
