I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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