That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
