i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
