Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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