She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
