guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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