I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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