I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
