Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
This house was built for laser tag.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize