thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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