morning after pill = breakfast in bed
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
