I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
