I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize