this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
