To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
