He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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