dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
