I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
