I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
