help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
