im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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