Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
