I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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