Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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