WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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