I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
