I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
