I think I won the penis lottery.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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