I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
