Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
