I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
