I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
