FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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