I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize