I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
