Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
