He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
