I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize